Sacred or Secular, Quiet or Spectacular, I want it to be YOURS!
Bri and Justin look like they had as much fun as I did when we celebrated their wedding.
Whether I’m talking to Nearly-Weds or people in my clinical practice, before I talk about something of a spiritual or religious nature I usually issue this disclaimer: “My father was a Catholic, my mother was a Protestant, and my middle name is Jewish.” At that point folks tend to smile or chuckle. Then we can discuss religious or spiritual matters more comfortably.
I think of it this way – there’s a part of you that doesn’t show up on an x-ray. Some might call it their soul, spirit, inner child, personality, psyche, “spark of G*d” or something else. But whatever you choose to call that part of you, I think that on a day as precious as your wedding day, I’d like to bring light to that part of you. So I always invite a couple to tell me about their spiritual or religious beliefs and traditions.
Sometimes I phrase the question this way: “Tell me how your future mate thinks this complicated universe stays together.” It seems to me that both science and the sacred have points beyond which we cannot exactly see and must choose to hope, wish, or believe. Listening to how you believe helps me select words for your ceremony that will sound authentic to you and your guests.
It has always both intrigued and delighted me that people have a part of them which I cannot see and in that part of them they hold beliefs they cannot prove. So when a couple asks me to use their belief-words or G*d-words, I can do so without needing to pretend. I revere that you revere your beliefs. I honor that there are beliefs you hold in great esteem. I
truly love that which we cannot know, and I love that I have the
privilege of sharing those parts of you both on your wedding day. So if your beliefs are religious, spiritual, scientific, metaphysical, orthodox, or unconventional, let’s talk about them and see how we may make them fit into your wedding ceremony.
If an element of your personality is spontaneity or silliness, let’s leave room for that in your ceremony too! I think there’s time and room for seriousness, silliness, spiritual, and sentimental elements. You are multi-faceted and so is the love you have for one another. Let’s find just the right “recipe” for a ceremony that really feels like it’s yours.
After all, your wedding day, perhaps more than any other day in your life, ought to be all about you, and I’m all about that!